How’s he the one?
Maybe he isn’t, but he’s so damn near close.
Shortly after we met, I dropped my phone on my big toe, and it had such a massive reaction to it. I mean, it’s been months since, and it’s still blue and so ugly, and I swear it keeps looking worse and worse, but of course I’m hoping it gets better. And the thing is, he never once made me feel ugly for it. I know it’s such a little thing, but believe me, if I didn’t feel so adored, it’s one of those things that would absolutely ruin my life. I know how ridiculous that sounds, but that’s just how I am.
And then again, shortly after we met, my acne started acting up horribly. It got progressively worse, to the point where he would barely ever see me without pimple patches all over my face. Again, something that would ordinarily ruin my life. Because my acne is still acting up, and it’s been months, and yet I haven’t for once felt ugly around him because of it. Sure, it bothers me, and of course I wish my skin would just behave, but somehow I cope better with it. Again, because I feel so adored.
And now I’ve possibly had the worst haircut of my life. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating, but I absolutely hate my haircut, and to make matters worse, I’ve been experiencing so much hair fall. And again, this is something that would ordinarily destroy my confidence, something I would obsess over and feel absolutely miserable about. But somehow, I’m okay. Not because I suddenly love the way I look, but because I feel so adored that these little things don’t seem to have the same power over me anymore.
So those are some of the reasons why he’s so damn close to being the one.
And it’s not like he’s perfect. Believe me, he’s let me down so terribly, and somehow we moved through it in the healthiest way possible? I know it’s hard to believe, but I swear to you, we did. It’s shocking, even to me. Because again, that was something that could’ve absolutely destroyed me, had he not been so gentle with me afterwards. Had he not made the effort to understand why I was hurting, and made me feel like my feelings mattered, even when things were difficult between us.
And the people around me, they see it too. They see him, they see us, and for some reason, everyone really does like him. They like the way he treats me. They like that I don’t go insane around him, that I’m not constantly some mentally unstable girl trying to make sense of where she stands with someone. He doesn’t overpromise and underdeliver, leaving me confused and guessing. If anything, he underpromises and overdelivers, and it leaves me in absolute awe. Because what do you mean you actually do the things you say you would? What do you mean I don’t have to beg for the bare minimum? And what do you mean you feel about me the exact same way I do about you too?
And although I believe I was the one who genuinely liked him first, I think he liked me in the fleeting way a man would notice an attractive girl and chase her for it. Maybe that was all it was supposed to be for him in the beginning. But then I actually saw him. And there was no stopping me from there.
Because a part of me was so certain. Certain about what, I still don’t know. But I was drawn to him in a way I couldn’t quite explain. I broke all my rules for him, rules I had made for very good reasons, because somehow I couldn’t help it. And as much as I tried to make sense of it, as much as I knew better, there was something about him I couldn’t walk away from.
Maybe he isn’t the one. Maybe he was never meant to be. But I can’t help believing I was meant to know him, meant to find him when I did, and meant to feel this love. Because whatever happens to us, I don’t think I could ever regret knowing what it feels like to be adored this way.
