She Was Sea

I will let you go, I promise that. 
I just need a minute, just one more minute to breathe in what will always be the last of us.

Losing you could’ve killed me.
Yet, I lost you. And lived anyway. 

They say love happens only once. 
Yet I fall, every single time I see you. 

And it was then I realized how I couldn’t carry you around, not with me or even in my purse.

I had to let you go, and mean it this time. 

So I tore up your name, and dropped it like the mistake that you were. 

I’ve been breaking my own heart; believing good things actually do come.

Hanging on to every goodbye, living every definite lie.

I don’t know how, where or when.
But love I do, I love you.
You loved me into loving you.

I always knew relationships were going to be hard, how hard I had no idea. One thing is certain, it’s only hard because of how broken I am, and all the trauma scars of the past have left in me. People continue to run out of love and patience as I try to piece myself back.

Is there love without pain? I’d like to know.

Do dreams come true? Or are they sometimes better than anything you’ve ever imagined to be?

My need to push you away comes from how everyone I ever loved left me in the dark. And at this point, it’s better to just stay alone than even let in a glimpse of love and risk getting hurt, again. I’m sorry I’m this broken that everything, in the end, leads to pain. I’m sorry that I struggle to be happy because good things never happen. Good things haven’t happened in so long. And that’s why I come off the way I do.