Are men like windows of opportunities too? How long do you wait on someone before the feeling washes you over. Or is it just too random it comes and goes like the wind? How do you single out when there’s more than you often know, like a cosmic connection. And these would be easier to figure since it’s not everyday you feel the universe in sync.
Thank you, thank you for letting me say things I would’ve never told anyone otherwise. Thank you for ending something before it could even begin, and thank you for ending the conversation when I’d wished for it to go on a bit more.

When he came into my life, he was just what I needed. Maybe I was too broken to reject his presence.
What we have now may not be the healthiest, even so, sometimes you need a little help to go on and unknowingly, he became mine. He became my anchor in my darkest of days. I can deny him now but it won’t change the fact that he’s the reason I’m becoming whole again.
I fight about how it’s so annoying that we’ve merged our lives into one, how we don’t have anything to do without one another. How all our worlds are just one tight world. Which made me lose the space and freedom that defined me. But then again, my world had become my enemy, I was afraid to live in it alone filled with haunting memories and long nights. I urge him to build his own world and let me build mine and then to find a way to coexist. When you fail to coexist in your own world and in the world where he is a part of, it submerges your lives and you lose the person you were. It’s never me anymore, it’s always us or we. And I miss being just me.
But it shouldn’t matter cuz, we both work long hours and in the end we are just where we are and when the day is over it feels right to be here. Even if I don’t remember the last time I missed him because I never had to, or ever felt the fear of losing what we have, what’s right for you wins over everything else. And that’s all.

Life never stops testing your limits. Even when you thought you’ve done all there is to fuck up the best things you ever had. Universe keeps testing me, it keeps testing if I’ve learned my lessons. Have I? Or am I unwilling to live the easy life. I am tempted to test the limits of life once more. Let’s see if this kills me.

Okay, so my blue heart is broken.

Here’s a line I once heard from a movie, and it’s been in my head quite a lot lately. “Nahin doondogi, tho nahin milegi!” meaning, “If you do not look for it, you will not find it”. Interesting isn’t it, it does make sense in it’s absurd way too. But is it true, if you really don’t look for it would you not find it? Doesn’t that clash with the famous saying, stop looking for love and love will find you.
I’m not looking, yet just like that. There it was. A blue heart.

My heart and soul; I named them yours. A surreal sense of belonging embraced me when you held my hand and looked right through me. For the first time in a long time, I was exactly where I wanted to be. Sitting right across from you while you uttered the words any girl would die to hear. There I sat not knowing what to expect, not knowing what I wanted. Yet, without even knowing, when your lips formed the words I didn’t even know if I wanted to hear, I knew. I just knew. I knew in my heart from the way it skipped a beat, from the way it fluttered growing it’s wings, wings I didn’t even know it had?, on to explore the depth of the world, in that moment I knew, this, is what I want for the rest of my life. Forever is too long to promise, forever is an eternity you can’t measure. Yet to promise forever is saying, whatever there maybe, for as long as I breath, my heart and soul will be yours. Wherever life may take us, that’s one thing I can’t change and detach, I signed your name on my life. And that way it will forever remain. For this heart will never explore love, the way it did with you.

Is it sad, the people who lurk in corners of our most haunted thoughts don’t remember us the way we do?

Negativity is just around the corner, just like another desperate Maldivian guy begging to be let in. Knocking on your door day and night, looking out for every chance where he could sneak up on you. But don’t open that door, as easy as they are to find, the harder they are to get rid off. On lonely nights you may think this loser is a good idea, but he’s not. When you wake up the next day you’ll know, but it’s too late then and he’s still in your bed lying beside you and will eat your breakfast too. That’s negativity. They are just like unwanted guys. You dwell in them when nothing feels right, because they seem warm considering how cold the world has left you. But don’t.

I am tired of making excuses. Tired of telling myself I am the bad guy here. Tired of feeling too guilty and too truthful. Tired of not knowing the right amount of surrender.

It’s not possible for someone to have no flaws. But every time, every fucking time I am the one who realizes I’ve been overreacting and it isn’t a big deal and consider myself so tiny to bow before him as if he was my entire universe.

Tell me something, WHO THE FUCK would snatch away his phone away from you, and would go the extent of physically hurting you in the process if the phone did not contain anything worth hiding. No just who. Who would. This is more than my brain can argue for, or make excuses for. Everytime I’m fucking there, I hurt. And then later when the story is being told my god, he hasn’t done anything wrong and I had been hurting for apparently nothing. I’m tired of being manipulated like this. I am tired of ego struck maniacs. I just want a humble soul.

I had once fallen terribly and helplessly for a man I was barely even attracted to. While now I struggle to love at all.
Anyone I’ve lied to or betrayed or left, should be thankful. Because I know the shit I put my man through. I can’t even begin to understand how he puts up with this psycho mood swinging self of mine. I sometimes pray he finds the strength to leave me for what he truly deserves. Because I can’t leave him since my life would no longer make sense without him. But if he left first it wouldn’t give me much of a choice than to get used to altered facts.

You don’t try to change your course when you meet someone. You just don’t. I mean, would you ever meet someone worth killing yourself for? We often misunderstand the length between becoming a better person and burying the person we used to be. Don’t you dare change because what you are right now is original, if you change now in a few years you’ll find yourself looking for answers to, what the fuck happened to me. Or where are all my friends.
You drove them away bitch. Acted like you were too good for them. That’s the fuck that happened.
So please, stay the way you are and love the people around you. The present is important and by closing up and driving people away you’re actually hurting people who love you. A lot.