If I really am all those things you say, someone who abuses you mentally, demotivates you, calls you stupid, keeps reminding you how stupid you’re every chance I got, why are we still together? Why are you with me? Who’s stopping you from leaving? Why are you with this horrible woman who’s absolutely no good to you? Do you not value yourself but at all?

I never asked you to stay out of spite. In fact, I never stopped you from leaving. Do me a favor and leave. I’m not gonna sit by and watch you make decisions for me, I’m not gonna sit by and listen to you describe me as someone who’s not only selfish, but mean and monstrous.

Let go of the monster of a woman you call the love of your life.

My stubborn heart fails to forget.

How I loved you so.

You left my life, but not my heart.

I am trapped between the life I want to live and the life I am living, the life I want to live revolves around you, with you. How could this be. After all this time how could I still be here. Maybe, in a parallel universe, we made it work.

Life is shitting on me, again. Maybe I asked for this. Maybe things have been going too smoothly for the past year or so, and I couldn’t be more thankful.

Are men like windows of opportunities too? How long do you wait on someone before the feeling washes you over. Or is it just too random it comes and goes like the wind? How do you single out when there’s more than you often know, like a cosmic connection. And these would be easier to figure since it’s not everyday you feel the universe in sync.
Thank you, thank you for letting me say things I would’ve never told anyone otherwise. Thank you for ending something before it could even begin, and thank you for ending the conversation when I’d wished for it to go on a bit more.

When he came into my life, he was just what I needed. Maybe I was too broken to reject his presence.
What we have now may not be the healthiest, even so, sometimes you need a little help to go on and unknowingly, he became mine. He became my anchor in my darkest of days. I can deny him now but it won’t change the fact that he’s the reason I’m becoming whole again.
I fight about how it’s so annoying that we’ve merged our lives into one, how we don’t have anything to do without one another. How all our worlds are just one tight world. Which made me lose the space and freedom that defined me. But then again, my world had become my enemy, I was afraid to live in it alone filled with haunting memories and long nights. I urge him to build his own world and let me build mine and then to find a way to coexist. When you fail to coexist in your own world and in the world where he is a part of, it submerges your lives and you lose the person you were. It’s never me anymore, it’s always us or we. And I miss being just me.
But it shouldn’t matter cuz, we both work long hours and in the end we are just where we are and when the day is over it feels right to be here. Even if I don’t remember the last time I missed him because I never had to, or ever felt the fear of losing what we have, what’s right for you wins over everything else. And that’s all.

Life never stops testing your limits. Even when you thought you’ve done all there is to fuck up the best things you ever had. Universe keeps testing me, it keeps testing if I’ve learned my lessons. Have I? Or am I unwilling to live the easy life. I am tempted to test the limits of life once more. Let’s see if this kills me.

Okay, so my blue heart is broken.

Here’s a line I once heard from a movie, and it’s been in my head quite a lot lately. “Nahin doondogi, tho nahin milegi!” meaning, “If you do not look for it, you will not find it”. Interesting isn’t it, it does make sense in it’s absurd way too. But is it true, if you really don’t look for it would you not find it? Doesn’t that clash with the famous saying, stop looking for love and love will find you.
I’m not looking, yet just like that. There it was. A blue heart.

My heart and soul; I named them yours. A surreal sense of belonging embraced me when you held my hand and looked right through me. For the first time in a long time, I was exactly where I wanted to be. Sitting right across from you while you uttered the words any girl would die to hear. There I sat not knowing what to expect, not knowing what I wanted. Yet, without even knowing, when your lips formed the words I didn’t even know if I wanted to hear, I knew. I just knew. I knew in my heart from the way it skipped a beat, from the way it fluttered growing it’s wings, wings I didn’t even know it had?, on to explore the depth of the world, in that moment I knew, this, is what I want for the rest of my life. Forever is too long to promise, forever is an eternity you can’t measure. Yet to promise forever is saying, whatever there maybe, for as long as I breath, my heart and soul will be yours. Wherever life may take us, that’s one thing I can’t change and detach, I signed your name on my life. And that way it will forever remain. For this heart will never explore love, the way it did with you.

Is it sad, the people who lurk in corners of our most haunted thoughts don’t remember us the way we do?

Negativity is just around the corner, just like another desperate Maldivian guy begging to be let in. Knocking on your door day and night, looking out for every chance where he could sneak up on you. But don’t open that door, as easy as they are to find, the harder they are to get rid off. On lonely nights you may think this loser is a good idea, but he’s not. When you wake up the next day you’ll know, but it’s too late then and he’s still in your bed lying beside you and will eat your breakfast too. That’s negativity. They are just like unwanted guys. You dwell in them when nothing feels right, because they seem warm considering how cold the world has left you. But don’t.