You spend your whole life trying to live each day, trying to survive, trying to stay sane, trying to make it. For the sake of all those people who love you, care about you and maybe need you. And then one day, you wake up..

You’re tired, you can’t keep going, you can’t anymore, not a day more.

It’s so so painful, getting used to the world letting you down.

How selfless should one be, trying to stay alive because your death might hurt people you care about even when you’re dying everyday.

I hide here in my world, behind closed doors. My soul trapped in a body I hate with thoughts I wish I could erase.

My misery stretches beyond anything this world could fix.

It’s a sadness so deep I drown myself in it everyday, over and over.

Your apology is eight years too late I want to say, but I don’t. I tell you it’s okay. You ask me if I hate you, I reply that I don’t. Why would I. You were only such a little fragment of all the unfortunate things to happen.

I was young and naive, which was your excuse?

I’ve learnt that you don’t always have to be a people person, you don’t always have to be up for adventures and little get togethers, if you’re exhausted, let your body rest. Stop keeping up with the world, take care of yourself before anything. If time is necessary to heal take as much as it requires, if surviving becomes hard slow your pace but don’t stop, never stop.

I know how it feels to live on the verge of not wanting to be alive. Constantly trying to convince yourself to exist when your brain goes fuck this no.

I’ve made an interesting observation. People think of you only if you come up on their timelines often.

You know what we never recovered from? Your lies.

One year, one year since I woke up to a life changing news, one year since I made a choice to let go. One year of struggle, depression. One year of running in circles. One year since I’ve last been okay.

You and what we had is something I’ll forever look for, I miss everything I used to feel because now that those feelings aren’t there anymore; I feel so very empty. You took me from myself and I’m nothing but the skin of what I used to be.

Loneliness runs though my veins as waves crash and kiss my toes. What a rhythmic combination of emptiness.