It’s not that I’m happier without you. I’m happier without all the walls you built for me, with you gone the walls shattered themselves and I can be myself again, and that’s an amazing feeling because you were only trying to save me from myself.
I swore to one-day grow as cold as my old lovers, to not care like they did, to stay unfazed in the presence of a worshipper. In the end, it all came true. I grew cold, emotions died and I was nothing but the remains of a girl who once loved.
But it only made me sadder, because I ended up losing the life I had in me just so I could hurt others more than they hurt me. This clearly wasn’t the way to go and I wish someone told me sooner.
You fucked me up so badly, I couldn’t love myself, or anyone else. God, I fucking hate you. It’s taken me five miserable years to even hate you.
Shouldn’t there be a rule where you can’t get close to someone else when your heart no longer belongs to you?
And even though I wasn’t ready to hear it, I think it was needed, “he didn’t choose you”. Well, there you go.
It wasn’t about choices, it was about going on.
Guilt stops us from going after the things we want. Guilt stops us from saying sorry like we mean it. Guilt makes us feel like we shouldn’t let in people we care about, all because we’ve made mistakes in the past. Guilt stops us from going forward, guilt keeps us looping in our worst nightmares.
We often seek forgiveness from people we care about for our mistakes and it is so important that they forgive us because we feel that we won’t be able to go on until they do. But the truth is, it’s not their forgiveness we need. We need to forgive ourselves to be able to go on. What they think doesn’t even matter anymore because you have to live with you. So, start with forgiving yourself, and telling yourself it’s okay you slipped that one time or many times. No one is perfect.
We fall, we learn. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re so much more than you think you are.
Selfless good deeds, do they even exist? When was the last time you’ve done something for someone out of love without expecting anything in return, without even an acknowledgement of your bare minimum effort? Probably never. But when your call gets lost and the messages get lost in others, that indeed ends up becoming a selfless good deed that ended up causing you utter humiliation instead of retaliation.
I woke up today and started seeing all the decade rewind posts on Twitter and thought to myself, what has my decade been like? So I started with the list which made me look back on my life like I have never before;
2009: the worst
2010: 💔
2011: gave up on school & moved to Male’
2012: was a literal mess
2013: got an internship & landed the first Resort job at Front Office #GreatBeginnings
2014: I can’t even remember what this year was about – might’ve been actually happy
2015: 💔 by someone who wasn’t worth it
2016: thought I’d met the love of my life
2017: Jumped into Sales & Marketing #BestCareerMove 💪🏽
2018: exhausted & mentally drained
2019: 💔 got out of something I never thought I’d have the balls to get out of 🙏🏽
I’ve worked in resorts continuously since 2013; although the distance got tough I love what I do and couldn’t be happier.
“𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘐 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘣𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘩𝘶𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘶𝘮𝘢 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐’𝘮 𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 & 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦. 𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 ‘𝟶𝟿.”
She Was Sea 