Ever met someone who altered your brain chemistry forever? Every after days, months, and years, when their name pops up on your screen, your entire world just feels brighter through their existence? The air I breathe feels different too with the thought of him. Isn’t that love?
One text after forever, and it lit up my whole world. I think in that moment I was affirmed that this man had really meant the world to me. And I thought the world of him. And I always will. For as long as I remembered, I had wanted to feel safe. And with him, I did.
I’m sorry; this might sound ridiculous. But I just have to get it out. The reason why I’ve tried to see you and even reached out is that I wanted to have a conversation with you. And I feel like you’ve robbed me of that. And it sucks that you’ve not given me that. Or even tried to. After everything. I wouldn’t bother you; I never have. I would just swallow whatever I feel and let it go.
I’m glad I broke all my rules for you because if I hadn’t, your thoughts would be a painful memory. The worst part is that the person you are in my memories is no longer who you even are. And I miss you terribly; I always will.
Now that he’s gone, your ghosts have taken over my mind. They were quiet until now, but it’s gotten so loud. Every breathing moment is spent with you creeping into my thoughts. I’m so happy that I got to feel even an ounce of your love for the short time I did; I will cherish it for the rest of my life. This I know. You weren’t meant for me, but you sure were my great one.
Sure, when the world becomes quiet, you’re all I think about. And then it hit me, am I in love with the idea of you? Did I love you better from a distance? Because every chance I had to be with you, I gave up. But then I continue to live with you in my thoughts, and those thoughts make me both happy and sad, but at the end I know I love you. And I don’t understand why I couldn’t be with you. Maybe I felt like I didn’t deserve you. I miss you every day.
She Was Sea 