While others are new beginnings, some mornings are no different than others. Today seems fairly usual, but has the potential to be a new leaf in turning. I haven’t slept. My sleep cycle has been a mess, as usual. Living alone has been a disaster. I’ll rot away without supervision. I’ve had zero or even less motivation the past few days. I have failed to see a point to this life. Yet I wake up day after day, even if it’s at six in the evening, hoping it’ll be different. I couldn’t keep missing work any longer. So here I am, doing what I’m supposed to do. I wish I liked the life I live. And I wish I liked myself a bit more most days.
I’ve also been playing a lot of scrabble on my phone, and like anything, I got obsessed with it and started playing too many matches and overwhelmed myself. Sounds about right. That’s just what I do with everything. I ruin them.
This Ramadan is weird. My heart doesn’t seem to be in it, no matter how hard I try. Which makes me question myself even more: am I truly a lost cause?
Today is day 93. My birthday is 9.3.93. I’ll never know how my parents made that happen or how such a cute coincidence as this one fell on me. Maybe I was lucky until I was born, and then everything went wrong.
She Was Sea 
Late 2019 I wanted to end my life, I gave up on life. The only thing which made me think twice was my mom, I couldn’t bear a single tear from her. So I held on a thread of hope. Today I’m glad I did.
You can decide for yourself, but your life means a lot. More than what you may percieve while in a perid of negativity. You should know that you are loved, more than you know and you matter more than you know. But the harsh truth is, no one is coming to save you, you have to save yourself, just that similar minds come together during that journey. Don’t worry, it’s just a phase we all go through it, sooner or later you’ll know what I mean. Take care 🙂
LikeLike