She Was Sea

I can’t stop this feeling. Maybe I’m in a vulnerable place and his radiance is gravitating. He’s my peace in chaos. He brings so much good but then-undefeated baggage claims him. What do I do that I haven’t already done?

I love you, and I always will. And if you love me too, the best thing you can do is let me go, right? How can your love love me in a way that causes hurt and disappointment over and over again? I’m more than understanding and everyone takes my understanding for foolishness because they care about me and see my apparent deflection of truth. The truth to me is you’re always hers before you’re mine. And as long as you lay next to her, I’m alone crumbling on the hopes very hopes I crawl on. I love you. I do. You make me happy in ways I never thought possible. You make the world feel okay the minute you hold me. I long for it, I long for the world to be okay for more than just a minute. I don’t want our days to be numbered and moments to be fleeting. I want you. 

Love takes courage, my love, if your love for me isn’t all that it claims to be I’m okay, I’ll understand even if it ends. I just don’t want to keep phasing through boundless uncertainty.