It feels like light bulbs are my longest standing nemesis. It all started in the year 2011. After I returned from Lanka and joined private O’level classes. She’s always made me miserable in ways I couldn’t understand why.

We lived in a one-room apartment and the only time I could breathe without suffocating in my own space was when everyone slept and I had the sitting room for myself. I loved reading then, books were my only escape. I’d buy a book almost every other day and finish one overnight. I’d stay in the sitting room reading with the light on. But this came to a stop when my mom scolded me for having the light on by saying I didn’t pay the bills, she did, and she switched it off. After that, all my nights were spent in the dark. I still preferred staying up during the nights anyway because this was the only time where she wasn’t yelling at me. It’s was like I wasn’t doing living right. She didn’t like anything about the way I was or anything I did.

I was also only 18 years old at the time. Of course, I wasn’t paying bills.

Fast forward to today, 2019. We are living in a two room apartment, I pay more than what goes to rent for my brother who’s studying abroad. I have my own room for now since he’s not here. My mother still gets riled about the light tho, but this time it’s the one in the bathroom. I’d constantly forget to switch it off and she sees my bathroom light from the kitchen. She’ll race in often and say something passive-aggressive about it and switch it off and leave. I mean, she could just politely ask me to. Because humans are forgetful creatures, and this is only a tiny slip from a daily routine. Anyways. This drove my anxiety so I had black tape on the switch which I could see from my bed if the bathroom light lad been left on. This worked. But today, somehow, once again, I left it on forgetfully. So, my mother, she comes back from work after 12hrs, I know, she must be tired? I even called to check on why she was running late. I was starving all day and ended up ordering in. The first thing she does after she comes in is storming in and switching off my light followed by a rude remark. My mother people. No, she doesn’t ask me how I am or if I‘d had anything. The light was obviously more important. I mean, I’d been raped and shit under my parents watch, but she’s more furious over me leaving the bathroom light on than anything else. So, I thought I’d put an end to this. Went and had a good look at the bathroom light which was making my life obviously miserable, the bitch was covered in a huge ass complicated cover. Found one of the tools and took the screws out, removed the cover and removed the bulb. My bathroom light is never going to be on again. Ever. Because I’m tired of this shit.