Category Archives: Uncategorized

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Battered Trust

2014

I’ve learned that in this world you cannot trust anyone. You can however be content with all you know, and yet there still may be more to that but believe me, sometimes it’s best to not know what you’re not being told. Lies from loved ones are like bullets shot, but as long as you not know the lie you’re safe. Faith is your armor. Don’t destroy that little faith you’ve got. Because that’s where your sanity lies.
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Treat me like a child.

2014

 I’m stubborn, selfish, impatient, stupid and what not. I flirt with people I talk to, I like the attention I get when I do. I like people who let me have my way or console me with whatever they could so that I’d drop it and be normal. Or convince me, but without a fight. There doesn’t have to be a fight every time right. And also i like telling people I’ll never see about my problems. I don’t expect the world to revolve around me. Maybe I do, I don’t know.

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On Douche bag Boyfriend.

2014

I’m lucky to have met and known and be loved a little by someone who loves knowledge. And is keen and curious about everything, except me. Ofcourse I’m no object or a broad controversial subject. I’m a bit torn I wonder if he ever thought why, or has his curiosity chosen to completely ignore my strange personality. The little things that mean the world to me, he’s just set out to destroy them. What’s the use of the knowledge you gain or all you know if you let the girl you “claim to love” go to sleep broken and hopeless, all that she ever believed in shattered.
Round of applause? A job very well done. Please go on learn a little more why the world is as crappy as it is, because people like you know it all and act like douchebags.
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In between Love & Love.

2014

Terrified of what I’m about to do, been avoiding situations as such for as long as I can remember. Never giving a fuck for how people dealt with my choices. Times have changed and I’ve grown a little since, but here I am struggling with doing what’s right for me in a right way. Problem is, I might be breaking someone’s else’s heart in the process. And I don’t want to. But then I can’t just a coward and not do it since that would make leave me miserable, but damaging someone else just so I get my way was never my intention. But this is the only way and I don’t even know why I’m justifying myself here. Maybe because I feel like a horrible person and arguing with myself could actually win my ego.
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Tough Times.

2014

How much is this worth? How much is any of this worth? Why am I so unhappy, the smallest things used to make me oh so happy. But now, they just make me sad so much that I hate everything. I hate life. I hate this crappy world, I hate the shit I’ve to put up with. I hate that I’m not there for the the one I love so much. I’m just not enough. Nothing’s more depressing than feeling so little and helpless in a world so big where everyone’s doing their thing and everyone seems to be dealing with it just fine. While I’m just lost and frustrated. I can’t take this anymore. I just really can’t. It already feels like I’ve lived and struggled for a hundred years and death is just taking too long. Why can’t it be now. Why can’t it be tomorrow. Why can’t it be soon. And this is disturbing when I think of the people who’d miss me when I’m gone. But it already feels like I’m dying a little everyday. How can I live when I feel like this.

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I’ve lost it.

2014

What can I do, what more can I ask you to be?
Why am I not completely Happy? Why do you  have to be the only one happy? Why can’t everyone else just not fuck up so that I be my happy self around you.
When the world pisses me off how can I take it out on you when you’ve been nothing but good.
And sometimes I lose it.
And today, I’ve lost it.
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Comparison.

2014

He has won me over and I never realised. He’s done the same things that I once did over you. Not giving up when you let me go. He’s done the same.
Mixed emotions, mixed feelings.
I love you so very much and so deeply that I don’t even know how to be without you. But he has won a bit of my heart too.
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Paradise.

lllllp2014

Fifteen days of presumed Happiness indeed and today being the last one here I am feeling a little blue. Back to routine and life’s already become ordinary. No more spontaneity and none of those so longed surprises. Everything’s great except that I slightly miss being pampered. A little extra attention wouldn’t really drive you off to hell, would it? Once in a while a girl needs that I guess, something she loves right on spot and out of nowhere.
Sadly I’ve given up the right to even complain.
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My Own Mess.

2014

If you were in my shoes today, you’d have realized that something’s aren’t for everyone to understand. Some secrets aren’t meant to be shared. Something’s the world doesn’t need to hear out loud. No matter how bad you’d wish for them to, they just won’t. Why? because their world isn’t as fucked up as yours. Sometimes not at all, not even close. This seems unfair but it’s life’s nature.
Thing’s you’ve left behind years ago, simply because they were too much for you to deal with. Eventually forgotten, but just one snap and it all comes running back to you. Haunting you in your own parallel universe. Until you can’t run away from them anymore, until you just give up and give in to your own misery. Like being forced to embrace every horrible thing that’s ever happened to you. And when you do, thing’s you’ve long forgotten, comes back fresh. And all of a sudden, life’s hundred times harder than it used to be.
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Letting Lose.

2014

Not sure why I feel this way. ” How can I give anymore, when I love you a little less than before ”
Not exactly true, I do love you. Probably as much as I always have but I can’t help feeling that you’ve really let me down. Sure I’ve forgiven of all you’ve done. Agreed to let bygones be bygones. But it kinda feels like I’ve given and given so much that nothing you ever give back will make up. I do love you honestly with all my heart but can I just be irritating for a while and please please do bare with me. I lived with your hate for months. Live with my annoying self for a while. Things will sort out but for now all I wanna be is something I’ve never been for a while. Forgive me darling, I love you.
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