December 25, 2014
I wish I was cold as stone,
Then I wouldn’t feel a thing.
I wish I didn’t have this heart,
Then I wouldn’t know the sting of the rain.
I could stand strong and still,
Watching you walk away.
I wouldn’t hurt like this,
Or feel so all alone.
I wish I was cold as stone.
I met the first one when I was fourteen, saw him on the other side of the street looking smart. Blue shirt, white tie, crooked smile. Blew me away. That was the first time I ever felt such. And after a few months I see him again, the same thing happened. Followed me for a while and then he was gone. And again almost a year later I see him on my way back home from school, with his cheesy smile. And this time I smiled back for the first time. He turned around and came to me, asked for my number. I didn’t have a mobile. Gave him my email instead, and then my cousins number just in case. And then left, leaving me completely smitten. By the time I reached home I swear to god I was in love with him. I guess that’s what happens when you’re fourteen. Anyways we dated with the permission of my mom. We went out every Friday night. He picks me up sharp eight every night and we’d go for long walks. We never spoke much, I was so nervous around him and too intoxicated by his smell. Holding his hand was more than enough. It was beautiful.
I found the second one on Facebook, when I was studying in Sri Lanka. I was seventeen then and insomniac. It was 4 am when I came across one of his comments on a friends post. Couldn’t help myself from checking his profile out. And wow that smile, blew me away. Added him instantly. Had no clue what I’d say to him I just went with my instinct. Luckily, he started talking to me the next day,‘Have we met before? you seem familiar.’ The cheesiest line I’ve ever encountered but coming from him it was cute. I fell for it and we started talking. And never stopped. We started texting all day and video calling all night. I loved talking to him. He was so charming and he sings. His voice, the way he talked, his humor, the way he smiled the way he looked at me or his computer screen. It was all lovely. I was so hooked. But I wasn’t sure if it would turn into anything more since we lived miles apart and we had no clue what our futures had in stock. It was shocking when he confessed he was in love with me, I was over the moon. I had my doubts but he was insisting and convinced me what we had was real, I couldn’t deny for long. I was in love with him too. I gave him a chance, I gave him my all, trusted him with my heart, with my past, with my secrets. And he took all my doubts away. He was the realest thing. He promised he wouldn’t ever leave. That we’d never part. That someday we’d be together right next to each other. I believed him. We were in our own parallel universe. We were in love and continued to be in love for the rest of the days. But like everything else, all things beautiful must come to an end. And so did that. He ended things, abruptly. Said in no near future we’d be physically in each others presence. I silently bared my fall, I was hurt.
Met the third one on the set of this song I kinda shot for, he never caught my eye. I remember the first time I saw him and the first time he looked at me though. We never spoke. I was eighteen. Later he added me on Facebook and we’d talk a little. Not much, Hello’s and bye’s. We never talked for too long ’cause every time he’d ask me out and I was never interested. And then almost a year later I had to give him my number to get my friend an interview at his work place. And he started texting. I never replied the first couple of nights. but the third night I was bored as fuck and hadn’t been out in a week. So I texted back. And of course he asked me out and this time I was so glad he did. I told him to pick me up in thirty. It was already pretty late. We went out and he never stopped talking. I knew I liked him and would love to keep him as a friend since I was already kind of seeing someone else at the time. And later that night after I came home I wondered why I’d never given him a chance before. And the next day when I woke up he’d sent me the longest text I’ve ever seen, saying that he’d been up all night thinking what if he didn’t do something about what he felt and woke up fifty years later and wondered what if. I was so touched, that was the sweetest thing. Nobody’s ever been that sure of me, ever. He just told me that he wanted me and he’d fight for me. And I’d only met him once.
She Was Sea 