It’s hard to admit that I’m looking for someone to keep my heart from breaking ever again. Pathetic really. I’m so horrible to myself and that’s why living is exhausting. I can’t seem to love me. I can’t seem to be enough.

Without your love; I died inside, like an unwatered plant.

Despite my curiosity, none of us knew where the sea met the sky, maybe it was where the top of his fingers touched my cold skin or the way his glance fell upon my face as I pretended to be unearthed by his very presence right next to me or how I couldn’t stop thinking about how perfect he was in that moment. Even if I didn’t find out where the sky met the sea, one thing was certain, this is where my heart met him.

On our first date, I was mesmerized at how we could never tell where the sky met the sea after dark. Likewise, I didn’t realize how my heart found its way to yours, the very same night.

Like the tips of your fingers that sat inches from me, or the way your pleasantly surprised gaze kept falling upon my skin. I don’t know what it was, but;

Look you did
You looked at me
You took my hand

Don’t look at me, I can’t look away
Don’t take my hand, I might want to hold on
Don’t steal my heart now, how would I live without one

And I kept falling for you

How could I not?
After all, you were my horizon
I, the ocean and you were my night sky
And one could never tell where we met but for all they knew, we were one

No one knew me enough to say if what I was doing would be good for me 

No one knew me enough

Yet somehow, they all knew too much

What do you want from me?

Endless conversations and laughter that carries you away from your realities?

A home in a foreign land where the only wild thing is you. 

I don’t understand.

I lived for words. How they would limn their feelings towards me in the most amplest of ways. How these words held more meaning than life or reality itself. It would melt me, and their words would continue to linger for ages. But now, looking back, these words almost feel deriding. Just words of a skillset carrying promises of an empty nest.

This little game we play, where we promise to not give anymore than we’re willing to lose, will cost us our innocence.

You’re a dream come true. There’s so much more I want from you, yet I only receive so much. But with the little I have, I’ve created a safe haven in your heart; lost in our never-ending guffaws and loveless stares.

What do all these years we’ve left behind signify if you’re still the one after all this time? 

I’ve fallen in and out of love, but never the way I did with you. I’ve never been sure of anything in my life, the way I’ve been about you. You got under the skin of my nineteen-year old self, and today, even over a decade later, the same sparks fly when it comes to you. 

When we’ve lost all the hope in this world and lost the faith in love, all we have to do is look at one other and realize some things never change. Like the way you look at me and the way, I look at you. I always knew what I felt for you was great, but never thought it’d be the only great love of my life.

I assumed that, like any other adolescent or early-twentieth-century romance, this one would fade away and be forgotten. But, even after 360 spins, we always seem to find our way back to each other like the universe’s endless joke.

I’ve always loved you and will always do. But life only has so many bullets, and after all the shots we’ve fired at each other, there’s just one more bullet left; if we miss this one, it’ll be the one that kills us.

Hold my hand once again, won’t you? This is getting too much, for now, I have to go. I love you though. I know I do. Now over time, love has taken many forms, and right now, it’s a love that doesn’t want to be seen or heard but to just exist in its nothingness because nothing ever came out of you and me. And I greive the loss of what could have been.