[From the Diaries]
And to answer your question — why did I take you there?
Because I wanted this to work. I wanted to believe we had a future. I didn’t introduce you to my dad for nothing. I didn’t bring you on a family trip because I had better ways to waste my time. I took you there because I was serious.
A week before we left, you were relapsing and lying to me. A week before that, you disappeared and stopped answering your calls. This wasn’t about a game. It was a buildup. Layer upon layer of instability that I kept swallowing.
You invalidating my help with your loan is what’s sick. If you didn’t need that help, you wouldn’t have convinced me to give it. You can pretend it meant nothing, but until you received your payment, that is what carried you. Don’t rewrite history to protect your ego.
You’ve lost your temper with me more times than I can count. You’ve turned my room into chaos. You’ve slammed doors. You’ve thrown things. And every time, I cleaned it quietly. I protected your name. I made sure no one saw that side of you.
This was the first time I was in an environment where I was dependent on you. For food. For water. For mobility. And you know how much you hate public chaos. Yet when I didn’t have anyone else around, you weaponized my worst moment. You punished me for it. You humiliated me for it.
You didn’t ask if I was hungry. You knew we were running out of water and didn’t get any. You let me sit there, isolated, because you didn’t care.
You only started caring at the airport.
And even then, at one point, you said you didn’t give a fuck if we broke up.
You have lost your shit in this relationship countless times. And every time, I cleaned up the mess. Emotionally. Physically. Socially.
This time I lost my shit.
And I cleaned that up too.
She Was Sea 