Waking up in your bed, feeling paralyzed, your heart trying to jump out of your chest. You can’t make any sense of what’s going on. You can only turn to your toxic coping traits; they’ve kept you going for so long, they won’t abandon you now. It’s either that or completely break down. You’ve been spiraling, without any steadiness to hold onto. Everything feels shaky, every truth comes with a lie, nothing is what it seems. You’ve been played, again. Thought you knew better, thought you were smarter, but at the end of the day, you’re just a girl who wants to be loved. Love, your kryptonite. Charming men, your drug.
The nothingness is what feels like the most torture. The uncertainty, the void. It feels so deep, impenetrable.
How can you not freak out, right? These things happen. People promise you the world, and then they disappear. You just never thought it would happen to you. But it has. And now, you have to accept it. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it’s embarrassing. But how brave of you to love so fiercely. How brave of you to think he would catch you when he asked you to jump. How brave of you to hope in such a hopeless world.
She Was Sea 