“Lola Loa” by Achecia is etched permanently in my heart, serving as a reminder of you. I still recall the night when I first met you. I arrived in Male’ quite intoxicated and overwhelmed by infatuation, struggling to articulate the intrigue you had sparked in me. I went to see my friends at Axon, and that’s when Ammadey was singing this very song. It was June 13, 2019, and I was in chaos. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. However, you belonged to someone else, and I had to get you out of my mind. So, like any other chaotic and drunk 26-year-old, I got under someone else, hoping to erase the vivid but unattainable memory of meeting you that had already become a core part of me in a matter of hours.

Of course, that attempt failed, and I found myself falling deeply in love with you for the next few months and years, despite the complications. You were a tragedy, but I don’t regret it because without you, my life would have been meaningless. Thanks to you, I experienced a solid six months of boundless happiness and love. You were my core shaker, and without you, my life would have been in vain.

I haven’t written about you since June 22, 2022; that was the day I met someone else. Even hours before running into him, my notes were filled with your thoughts. I was shattered by you, repeatedly enduring the same heartbreak, but this time it struck me so hard I felt it in my gut. I was in agonizing pain. And then he extended his hand, and I took it.

The truth is when I met you, it wasn’t just some fateful chance that led me to fall in love with you. You cared for me in a way no one else ever had, making me feel like I truly belonged with you. With you, I felt safe and loved, and our conversations flowed endlessly from morning till night. You were the highlight of my days, the centerpiece of my life for so long. Without you, I struggled. Even after we parted ways, I found comfort in knowing that no matter where you were or what you were doing, you would think of me fondly. The day I realized that was no longer the case, I swear, a part of me died, and I haven’t been the same since.

I didn’t fall for him instantly, nor did I even like him right away. But I had to continue living my life and give someone else a chance. By some twist of fate, that someone turned out to be him. Eventually, I found myself falling in love with him too.

But why is it that, despite the end of that relationship and your clear departure, I still find myself thinking of you? You’ve moved on as if we were never a part of each other’s lives, yet here I am, haunted by thoughts of you.

I’ve always known that true value becomes apparent at the end of one’s life when their entire existence flashes before their eyes. But I’ve also come to realize that you truly understand who matters most to you over time. Presence can be intoxicating, but when the moments pass and the music fades, who does your heart yearn for? Mine calls out to you, even though you’re no longer here.

What were we? Were we a case of the right person at the wrong time? I once believed our love was greater, but it wasn’t. I never needed to be with you to feel loved by you. I was content with your absence because you never belonged to me, and I had made peace with that. Yet, you always made me feel loved and cared for. And then, you didn’t. And I wished I didn’t exist.

My heart will forever belong to you, for the laughter, the tears, the bruises, and the literal scars, for what felt like an ethereal love, for what seemed like soulmates, even if only for a fleeting moment that felt like an eternity.