I can’t keep lying to myself anymore. I can’t keep breaking my heart every other day. There are truths I know deep inside me that I am yet unable to accept because I chose to believe and have faith.

So no matter what I feel or witness, in the end, I lie to myself to protect my little delusion and fantasy. Because if truth prevails and my curated dream gets unraveled, I will fall apart.

I am falling apart. I have tried and tried to hold myself together.

It’s embarrassing to admit how weak I have become. But I have.

I am in love with someone I need, and the thought of losing him terrifies me. I can’t breathe without him. But he’s not like me. He doesn’t need me. And would probably be fine without me. And that kills me too.

How do you voice your feelings to someone who’s okay with losing you?

I don’t write as much because I can no longer write with an open heart. Everything I feel is a risk, and a bigger one if I write it.

“You know there’s many different ways that you can kill the one you love.
The slowest way is never loving them enough.”

How true.