For the first time since I blocked his number, my heart started skipping beats—and not in a good way. I had just realized that it’s been hours since he hasn’t tried to reach me. Not that I had hoped and prayed he wouldn’t, because that would be easier on me. He would have nothing nice to say.
There was this one time I called him in tears and begged him to bring me some peace, and I had childishly asked, “Please say something nice before you hang up”. And he had no words.
I’ll mourn the love I had for this man, but I won’t mourn the way he loved me, because he loved me so little and almost cruelly. It broke me. Sometimes not being loved enough is what shatters you.
Ending it is a choice I made to not stay broken. I’m flawed, but I don’t need to be with a man who criticizes everything I am. It almost sinks me to know he’d just be relieved this is over. So am I.
She Was Sea 