I’ve put myself in a position I swore I would never put myself in again. Old habits die hard, don’t they?

Leaving was always hard, but leaving never felt impossible until now. Maybe I’ve done all the leaving I can, and now I just want to hold on. 

They’re going to sleep fine when you’re not okay. This is something I learned about 10 years ago, and having to relearn it now shows just how far I’ve fallen for an illusion of love. 

Sometimes I want to hurt them as much as they hurt me.  But I could never do that. 

The difference was that I was too afraid of losing them, and they were never afraid of leaving.

I couldn’t hurt them out of fear that I’d lose them.

Something in you dies little by little, waiting for them to care a little bit more. 

I was afraid you wouldn’t try hard enough and we’d die if I made you work for what you lost in me, and I wanted us to live so badly. I made it so easy for you.

And now I’m the one crying myself to sleep.