Song on my mind: “Not in That Way” by Sam Smith

Two days ago, I urged, “Promise you’ll never fall out of love with me? That you’ll always love me, through the good and the bad. And that you’ll be kind to me even if we fight. That you won’t be cruel in the name of being honest. Tell me you’ll love me more than I love you on the days I need it the most. Tell me I can count on you when everything else is falling apart. Tell me you’ll always be there when I need you. Tell me.”

Of course, I was asking for too much.

And tonight, he looked me in the eye and said, “You used to be the one.”

I was absolutely destroyed by one sentence. This man, who has loved me unconditionally since the moment he laid eyes on me, sat in front of me and told me he no longer felt the same way. And I wanted to die.

He was the one, until that moment. And nothing makes sense anymore. 

I’ve had trouble falling asleep all night. All I want to do is disappear. I feel vulnerable, humiliated, exposed, and violated.  

It just started raining heavily—finally something good. I might suffocate in this storm.