I don’t know why I hate the sun so much. Some days, it feels like my eyes weren’t made for sunlight. 

I slept last night, took a sleeping pill. I just couldn’t mess up today. I don’t know how I fell asleep. But I did. Sometimes you have to push your body into doing things it is supposed to do, so this was like that. Pushing my body into sleep. 

In the shower today, I considered what I would do if I was diagnosed with cancer. Would I fight for my life? Would I tell anyone? Do I really think my life is worth saving and investing all that money into? I really don’t. I thought of this when I thought one of my boobs hurt. Well, it’s probably nothing. 

It’s Thursday today. That’s always exciting. End of a barely week. I do have my exam on Monday, and this weekend is prep time. I do hate studying so much. I resent everyone who got me into this when it gets hard. But maybe when I’m done, I’ll be grateful they pushed me into it. But I think the part that I hate most right now is that what I’m studying has little relevance to my current job. That’s just frustrating. When I moved back, I was already done with my first semester. And everyone was like, ‘now that you’ve started, don’t stop. And then, when I joined corporate I didn’t think it would be hard to study something else and do something else altogether. It is. But that’s what life is sometimes like, right? It’s unplanned and full of surprises. You never know where you’ll be a year from now, and that mystery is almost alluring.