She Was Sea

It’s just a lesson, right? A reminder that humanity doesn’t really exist when they see you as nothing but an object to use and throw away.

I mean, I don’t even blame him. I blame myself for not loving and respecting myself enough. I wasn’t taught to manipulate people into deeper connections. I know I’ve been through a load of shit and have never really been able to love myself the way I should, I try, but it just hasn’t happened as much as it should. And it’s bloody unfair that people just feel free to parade over my life just because I gave them a chance, a chance they asked for, was desperate for. Like I’m this shiny thing everyone wants a piece of – but I’m better admired from a distance. Because up close everything gets pretty real. And real usually scares people away.

And now I’m here struggling to heal, while he’s doing bloody fine. I write to cope, I let this shit out here so I can go to bed at night with a lighter heart. Losing someone you shared your world with even for a bit just stinks, especially when I was caught completely blindsided. I did not see it coming. I try to look for reasons, a sort of justification so that I can understand it myself, instead, all I have is nothing but confusion.