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Wish I had thought this through before I started falling for you. Because lately, I’ve been afraid that I might end up feeling things for you that you won’t for me.

I’ve been growing more and more fond of him with every passing day, hence even little setbacks are like mini heartbreaks that send me questioning the whole thing. My heart, however, yearned for his presence more than the strength to endure his absence. And he won. He won me over just like that.

“Do you love her?” I asked him the minute he told me about her. “It’s getting there”, he replied.

I don’t know why, but I built us all in the hopes of freeing his heart to be mine. I told myself that he wasn’t in love with her, and that meant that one day he would fall in love with me. Rather foolish of me to think so. You see, I thought it was understandable that if your heart didn’t quite love someone wholeheartedly, that left room to seek a more wholehearted love. And that is how I justified how he could be into me, and want me – despite having someone in his life. That we could be a wholehearted love.

After mindless flirtings and promises of the future, my heart was getting caught up in his promises. My attachment to him grew by the day. And I had to know if he was where I was at. So, three weeks into being constants, I ask him again ‘do you love her?’.

“I do”. He replies. There goes my love. My heart sank deeper than the Titanic. He was never in the same place as I was. I was wrong about us.

Another losing battle for my heart – and now that he’s won, I remain at his mercy. He confesses his love for her – to me. The girl who’s been mindlessly longing for his return.

How could this be? Didn’t he tell me he wasn’t quite in love with her just yet? Did I not hear him right the first time? Did I misread the whole situation? What changed in these weeks where he fell deeper into her despite my presence? Isn’t that alarming. What am I even doing in his life hanging onto every word he says hoping this man won’t break my heart because he said he wouldn’t. He promised he was different.

But he wasn’t. He judged me and tore me apart.

And all he could say to me was, ‘but you knew’. A storm raged inside me. How dare you?

Convince a girl of her chance at true love and happiness, and blame her for being hopeful. Classy.

Yes, I knew. But just because I knew doesn’t make it any easier for me to keep falling for a man who loves someone else. I don’t think it’s fair of him to brush it off based on a technicality while knowing how I feel. Isn’t that rather heartless? Is this what I deserve?.

How could you want me whilst being in love with someone else? Isn’t that disappointing? How could you promise me the whole world while you’re next to someone you love. How can I trust you?

He then proceeded to spring, ‘but you’ve had past relationships too’. I lost it there. The audacity to protect himself by firing bullets at my past something he assured was never going to be something he’d judge – all to get back at me for his present situation.

You mislead me.

Dying to unmeet you. I’d give anything in the world to un-know you right now.

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2 thoughts on “”

  1. Unknown's avatar Chase says:

    Dwelling in the past is like using your rear-view mirror, it’s good to glance back see how far you’ve come, but if you stare too long you’ll miss what’s right in front of you.

    We are in such a rush to fall in love. We base our relationships off a physical connection rather than an emotional one. We force ourselves to like someone so we won’t be alone. We settle for those that don’t quite satisfy our wants and needs. Stop looking for love, let it find you.

    The best things in life are worth waiting for and love is definitely one of them. Sometimes it happens over night and sometimes it takes years but you have to have patience.

    Learn to love yourself so that you don’t feel like you need to be loved by someone else in order to feel complete.

    Date someone who handles conflict with maturity. Someone who lets you know what is wrong instead of bottling up inside. Someone who treats you with respect. Someone who is willing to make compromises.

    If that someone has seen the worst parts of you and still decides to stay, that’s when you know they’re worth keeping. Not everyone is willing to stick with you when times get tough. Appreciate those who remain by your side, they’re the ones who deserve you at your absolute best.

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