You’re a dream come true. There’s so much more I want from you, yet I only receive so much. But with the little I have, I’ve created a safe haven in your heart; lost in our never-ending guffaws and loveless stares.

What do all these years we’ve left behind signify if you’re still the one after all this time? 

I’ve fallen in and out of love, but never the way I did with you. I’ve never been sure of anything in my life, the way I’ve been about you. You got under the skin of my nineteen-year old self, and today, even over a decade later, the same sparks fly when it comes to you. 

When we’ve lost all the hope in this world and lost the faith in love, all we have to do is look at one other and realize some things never change. Like the way you look at me and the way, I look at you. I always knew what I felt for you was great, but never thought it’d be the only great love of my life.

I assumed that, like any other adolescent or early-twentieth-century romance, this one would fade away and be forgotten. But, even after 360 spins, we always seem to find our way back to each other like the universe’s endless joke.

I’ve always loved you and will always do. But life only has so many bullets, and after all the shots we’ve fired at each other, there’s just one more bullet left; if we miss this one, it’ll be the one that kills us.

Hold my hand once again, won’t you? This is getting too much, for now, I have to go. I love you though. I know I do. Now over time, love has taken many forms, and right now, it’s a love that doesn’t want to be seen or heard but to just exist in its nothingness because nothing ever came out of you and me. And I greive the loss of what could have been.

If it’s his lips it’s your eyes that I long to see. If he’s holding me it’s your hair I wanna run my hands through. If it’s his breath, it’s your scent that I want to inhale. My tainted soul is incapable of an adequate love.

Things go wrong, they do. That’s life. But the wind keeps carrying me farther and further away from the life I want to live every minute of every day. Every failure feels a hundred yards behind me while I’m caught up in my chaotic soul. Trapped in this game of ladders consumed by the brutalities of my mind.

Everyone you discover is an adventure. You’re hungry for the ride, the aftermath. The uncertainty. Not being able to tell which parts of your soul this person will evoke. Irrespective of how their presence gently slides you along corridors you vowed you’d never walk through again.

“I’m on my way to greater lands, as you can see.
I’m moving on to someone who believes in me.”

But, let’s face it, who’s certain of anything these days? The chances you take turn into lessons and life experiences. And unfortunately, they all become tragedies you never overcome.

The fatigue persists, as do the unpleasant memories. Hope does not win, and love does not triumph.

I’m an expert in pushing people away and chasing dead ends.
I’m an expert at deluding myself into creating alternate realities in my mind.
I’m an expert in everything bad for me and have no clue what’s good for me.

Every day, I fall apart even more than the day before. Every day, I become a bit more frail and fragile. Something fresh drives me down every day. I can’t quit thinking about everything that’s ever gone wrong. Life doesn’t get any easier for me, and I’m not growing any stronger. I’m exhausted, to say the least. I’m also a little scared of myself and what I might do. I’m not making any progress, and I’m always slipping behind. What caused this to happen to me? I used to believe I was fine, even great on occasion. And now, even if I’m alone for a minute, I’m scared. I’m not sure I can go on much longer. I’ve sabotaged myself to the point of no return. 

 If I do lay down, forgive me.