I don’t know what to say anymore. This loneliness feels almost exhilarating right now. And I just want to be alone, now, more than ever. I want to not have to talk about everything I can’t fix in my life. I want to not have to sit with people who are barely listening not because they are ingenuine but because I am so much more sensitive than everyone else and I have to accept that not everyone feels things the same way I do. I want to not be afraid to be alone. Because I am all I have and I am what I will always have. The need for people to come in and fill the void, that’s not working. I should stop trying. All my fixes are temporary, just like drugs. Talk about my feelings? That leaves me good for only a few minutes. Retail therapy? leaves me more depressed when I lose money. Dinners and little getaways? They do nothing too, because no matter where I go, what distractions I delude myself with, I always come back to my life, the one where everything always goes wrong.
And so, I wanna be okay being alone. Because I am all I have and I want to at least like my company for the rest of my life.
She Was Sea 