She Was Sea

Guess who came around, the boy who broke my heart. The boy who couldn’t contain the thing we called ‘love’.

Flowers in his hand, love in his eyes, regret in his breath. Holding himself back, wishing to turn back time.

I believed we were perfect, oh, we were. He was my best friend, my go-to. My lifeline. I begged him to be my last.

He left, not because there was no love, but because there was. Sometimes we get so scared of what we feel we know no way else but to sabotage it.

I wish I’d stayed where he left me, I wish I knew he just might come around. But the way I went about it, I took my shot, and I got shot. I bled, I cried, I moved along with all the broken pieces.

I felt complete with him, like there was nothing I couldn’t conquer with him by my side. He made me believe in myself. He reassured me every chance he got. He showered me with compliments every day. I was spoilt. I still am. I don’t know if I will ever find someone who’ll live up to his loving ways, maybe I won’t.

But when he left, he also broke me. My lifeline was dead. I exploded, my emotions had nowhere to go, they birthed storms inside me I couldn’t contain. I ruined myself. I was so disappointed that I was so sick of this world. I was so mad at it for letting me down when everything felt so right. How could it not work out, when we were that good together. But it didn’t. That was the reality of it. The people who love you even the most dearly sometimes end up breaking your heart. And that’s exactly why it’s so scary, when the people who love you could do that, imagine what the people who didn’t feel nearly the same can do to you. Oh, it’s scary out there.

Guess who came around, the boy I wished to stay. Guess who changed her mind, the girl who’s beyond vulnerable that she can’t ever trust someone else to take care of her heart. Because she knows, they won’t. They never do.