Do we remember our first thought, what we thought of? No, we don’t. But it probably would have been about the lights and the noises of this world. The madness of change, the chaos and company, all of which you did not ask for – but just happened since god willed. Our birth into this world serves many purposes. It gives meaning to life. But I had always wished against my birth. I hate that I’m here. I’ve hated it almost every day. I fail to see the beauty of life.

I was born into a world of hatred and anger. I got very little love. I was unloved. And to the little girl that I was, this was confusion. I couldn’t understand it. What was happening? What was wrong? I wondered about this almost every day. I went on from one unloving hand to the other. That didn’t change even as an adult.

My confusion is now hateful. I hate my pain, I hate the reason for my pain. I hate that I was subjected to it, I hate that I didn’t ask for any of this, yet I was given the worst of everything. I hate that I’m losing myself for the hundredth time.