She Was Sea

Some days getting out of bed itself is so hard to do. Some reasons are not even good enough to live another day, yet the amount of hopelessness I am currently drowning in is awful. I honestly do not know what to do. I do not know what I have done so wrong in life to be stumped this far down. I have always been hopeful, nothing has ever stopped me from going on, and that will not be changing today. But, today has been incredibly hard. Just one of those days where I need things to be fucking okay. I am not asking for much. I am only asking for a reasonable amount of stability. It has indeed been a year of dreaded chaos. And I am just so tired of deluding and lying to myself over and over because I am scared of facing the truth. I was hoping if I ignored it hard enough, it would go away. But it has not, and that too is not how it works. I need a break from life. All the worries and everything. Why do I feel like an absolute failure despite everything? Whose standards am I not meeting? Mine? Or what has been set for me by others? It has been incredibly difficult. And as insane as it may seem, I am so close to giving up. How long can one keep fighting against all odds?