I wish I knew how to go back to being me, the girl that was so fearlessly herself no matter what the world thought of her. Over the years, I ended up forcing her deep into my skin which allowed me to grow a thicker skin as it was easier to survive without feeling so intense. Now I’m told I need her back, and she’s refusing to come back. Who knew choosing to feel less would mean being stuck with traumas of which the explanations were no longer accessible because you’ve carefully locked away shredded memories as they brought nothing but pain.
At this point, everything I am writing is, for myself. I’m embarking on this journey to rediscover myself, heal, come to terms with life, and re-love me. I didn’t realize that I’d fallen out of love with myself but that I did, as I subconsciously began to loath my existence. The wrong relationship can wreck you to pieces. And I’m not making it sound poetic or anything. It breaks you apart. It’s not visible but every minute is crippling.
She Was Sea 