She Was Sea

I haven’t felt this sleepless since 2010. I don’t know if this is life’s way of throwing me 10 years back or if life is coming a full circle. I feel as shitty as I did when I was 17 and I’m 27 now. One would think things would change. My priorities and responsibilities have, but I’ve remained the same in many ways.

How could one be this sleepless? I had completely forgotten. I barely get an hour or two during the day and then I’m wide awake. Tired as fuck but just unable to sleep. Am I getting over something I’ve been denying? What is hitting me so hard? Was digging up old wounds a bad idea – of course, but it helped me understand myself in many ways. Then what, why am I awake?

Instead of 2 am meltdowns I now have 4 pm meltdowns after not being able to sleep for more than 24 hrs. I’m not even worried about my skin or dark circles anymore, I just want to sleep. I’m tired of being awake.