She Was Sea

The part of me that loved him then, loves him the same even today. The part of me he hurt, hurts the same even today. Worst is, the part of me that hurt him, doesn’t understand how to compensate at all. Do we call it even, or truce?

I’m trying to understand how it all fell apart. Maybe deep down I believed I didn’t deserve him. Maybe deep down I was still too hurt. Maybe deep down I was even more hurt that I hurt him first.

But that’s the thing, you don’t know what to feel when it’s over. You think about everything. I think about all the times he was my hero, I think about all the times I was my enemy. I think about all the times he reminded me of my shortcomings. And then I think about how I can never forgive him, for a lot of things. And also how I can never forgive myself, for the other things. And maybe that’s why, it just can’t be. Without forgiveness and trust, what would we even be.

We had a shot, we fucked up. We can’t sit on these wounds hoping they’d disappear. Because they won’t.

Sometimes in life, this is how it has to be. You make the hardest choices, even if it means walking away. Because in the end it also broke you and it was your fault too.

Maybe it’s time to let these wounds breathe and heal, all on their own, alone.