It’s not even about what I’m worth anymore. I’ve disappointed myself. It’s funny that I expected someone to see me beyond what I see myself as. But after investing myself in someone for the better part of last three years, I’m upset that it won’t be his jokes I’ll be laughing at for the rest of my life.
It’s true that you only remember the best of the times when you part. But I also remember everything else. The frustration and the tears, the unfairness. The how could this be and why would you do this to me too. And long after that when friends talk about him and tell me how casually he flirts with them a part of me is so glad I’m finally done while the other part of me cries herself to sleep because it kinda hurts.
I wasn’t even nearly perfect, but that being said if I ever would’ve changed myself entirely, it would have been for him. Because of how much I wanted to be with him. Things he’d asked me to change about the way I live made a certain sense to me, but I’m not the girl that makes sense. I’m the girl who’s complex, reckless and impulsive. My true essence lies in all of these and if you ask me to stop being all of that, what would become of me? Only a shell of what I am?
Stop Ana, just stop. It’s almost 6 am and here’s another reminder that you need to let go.
She Was Sea 