Nobody is born fucked up, we are all born children. Children who learn and grow according to what they have been shown and taught. And one day, you are 24 you begin asking why, what have I done for it to be like this?

Maybe it is too late to ask this. Maybe I should’ve reflected on my life when I had the chance to do something about it. But not everyone is lucky enough to have a clear perspective on their lives. I certainly wasn’t. It was either too much for me to even begin thinking about it or I did’t have the courage to let things sink in. I was shattering with every chapter of my life. I had to shake off the feeling and pretend it didn’t happen. I couldn’t go on any other way. It was either cry about it or do something about it. And I did. I did so many things. But none of those things are things I would’ve done in my right mind. And when you are here, right where I am today. I don’t think you would trust yourself enough to have the right mind. 

Someone is responsible. A lot of someones. Here is looking at you, all of you. Thank you and just fuck you, you know what you did.

You’re bullied into thinking you are not good enough. The first person whom you trust outside your routine life breaks your trust and heart. And you spend next good months wondering why, it is far too long to wonder why someone decided to not be with you. When you are fourteen, full of innocence with nothing but love and have done nothing wrong, you can’t help but think you weren’t good enough, or beautiful enough in a world full of other million beautiful and good people. 

I remember distinctly the first time someone called me a whore, her exact words were “low life whore”. This came in via text, from the woman the first guy I went on a date with was in a relationship with. I was fourteen and had no idea he had a girlfriend. Her words and his deception could be where I began to look down on myself, with no fault of my own. And as I grew, more people gave me reason to believe so.