Ten months gone since I built myself up the courage to say what I should’ve said when we broke up for the first time 3 years back. Instead of running to you every time I should’ve learned to run away from you. I built the courage to do what’s best for you, not me. I know it’s all bullshit to you now and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry and sorry doesn’t even cut it. And ten months down I realize it might’ve not been the smartest thing I could’ve done. Instead I could’ve not done all the shit I did to not deserve you. Or built the courage to tell you the truth and come clean right after the things I did to not deserve you. But I didn’t. It took me a while, months. Trying to forget what I had done. Because I loved you. I loved you so much I couldn’t imagine my life without you. I didn’t know how, I didn’t know what I would be without you. Nothing made me love you less. I needed you more than my sanity, I lose my mind without you, I didn’t know how to let you go. How could I’ve left the person I’ve been living for, the sole purpose of existence. When things ended, I lost myself. Lost my mind. I didn’t recognize myself without you there to define me. You’d forever been my everything. When things were impossible to deal with, we still got through. With our differences, we still loved hard. Our love was destructive. Knew it from the beginning. Knew when things blew up we’d end in ashes. At least I did. Hell bent and burnt. Still after ten months, the part of me that loved, loves the same. I can’t seem to let you go. The only thing I know how is to drown myself in this misery and hope one day I wake up and this will all be a nightmare and that you’d forgive me.

Can’t go on without you, my world is upside down. Nothing makes sense. Nothing I did, nothing you did. Can’t fight this war anymore, I beg for mercy.

I’m so sorry.

You were a moment in life that comes and goes
A change of a heart, a twist of fate
Couldn’t fix it, it’s too late

Twisted, but true. Sad, but the only thing I know. It’s always been you.