April 22, 2016
A friend I met today told me “Your problems are as big as you make them.” Five hours later, that statement made a lot more sense.
See, life is hell again. It feels like somehow I’m seventeen all over once more. But the best part about being seventeen was that I had my whole life ahead of me, or so I believed. I knew I had time to evolve and become the bigger and better person I could be. Today it’s worse because my whole life isn’t ahead of me. What I thought lay ahead when I was seventeen, I’m living now. This is what lay ahead.
I can’t help but think I chose to live life all wrong. After everything so horrible my faith is still intact even if I may fail to live unto what I believe.
Then again there’s the other side to it. If I hadn’t done all that I had done I wouldn’t be this person I am. I did what I did to survive. People find their pleasure in all the odd ways of life and what I may have chosen may be too strange.
I may have a long dating history and bared myself to one two many people and gave my all to the worst there could exist. And after years of looking and seeking what I’d been missing my whole life here I am, still empty. More emptier than I’d ever been.
But that’s life you know? How can you ever face something you couldn’t win against? Why attach yourself to all those temporary things. Like even your hair, don’t get attached to your hair because eventually your hairline will recede and your face won’t glow the same. Just like that, don’t get attached to the people you come across or the phone you have or the money you earn. Because at the end of the day, the people you have or the phone you use and your account balance are completely irrelevant.
She Was Sea 