March 03, 2016
Twenty Three. Twenty Fucking Three. Wow! I could so easily freak out right now. I mean Life, was supposed to be something else. I thought I’d be further ahead from where I am right now. And a week ain’t changing nothing. Have I failed? Or is it too late to accomplish everything that I have always wanted to? It’s going to be another year of nagging from my mom to find a spouse. When you are a girl you are expected to get married and start a life at a certain age apparently. But how do you work and find someone to be fully committed to. How do you do both? Without cancelling each other?.
I remember when I was seventeen, I couldn’t wait to grow a year older so I could finally get married. Not that I had anyone picked out. I just loved the idea of getting married and moving away. Was a little too eager to start over and that was when I was only eighteen. Little did I know marriage wasn’t just play. It was real and it ruins everything.
Now every time I attend a wedding, I am asked when the hell is my turn? Erm excuse me? Do you not see that I am here all by myself? When I finally start bringing someone along with me to family occasions and functions it might be appropriate to ask me when my turn would be. But not right now, y’all keep pissing me off and driving me away with all your stupid questions like, you’re so beautiful why are you single. You wanna know why I am single? Because I am too bloody fucked up for anyone. I can’t burden someone else with all my shit. And beautiful only gets you laid or fucked in the ass. Beautiful never gets you married unless you’ve sorted yourself out. So let me do my sorting out for now. I mean c’mon, not everyone gets it right. You end up making the wrong choices too often and that wastes years of your life. Now look at me, see I’m still hung up on someone I met three years back. It doesn’t look like I’ll be over him anytime soon. And I’m not even trying, honestly I can’t do the relationship thing anymore. I let someone wreck me, it took him three years and here I am, broken, beyond repair.
So no, I do not believe everyone ends up with the perfect one. I doubt there is someone out there for each and every one of us. Sometimes you’ve just got to settle, for a kind caring heart. Hoping everything else might fall into place eventually. Crossing your fingers for shooting stars and fireworks to happen during your first kiss. You can only wish something as real could happen. But it’s not guaranteed. Often we end up disappointed and in unhappy marriages. And I never want to be that girl, I’d rather spend the rest of myself alone, by myself. I might not be the happiest, but at least no one else would be responsible for my happiness.
Also, since we all follow the cliché rule “age is just a number”, everything could still fall into place. Weather you’re 23 or 63. It could happen. But damn I’m getting old. All I can think of are saggy titties and wrinkles. Oh the horror! And 23 leaves only seven years till thirty. Ohmygod.
I remember when I was seventeen, I couldn’t wait to grow a year older so I could finally get married. Not that I had anyone picked out. I just loved the idea of getting married and moving away. Was a little too eager to start over and that was when I was only eighteen. Little did I know marriage wasn’t just play. It was real and it ruins everything.
Now every time I attend a wedding, I am asked when the hell is my turn? Erm excuse me? Do you not see that I am here all by myself? When I finally start bringing someone along with me to family occasions and functions it might be appropriate to ask me when my turn would be. But not right now, y’all keep pissing me off and driving me away with all your stupid questions like, you’re so beautiful why are you single. You wanna know why I am single? Because I am too bloody fucked up for anyone. I can’t burden someone else with all my shit. And beautiful only gets you laid or fucked in the ass. Beautiful never gets you married unless you’ve sorted yourself out. So let me do my sorting out for now. I mean c’mon, not everyone gets it right. You end up making the wrong choices too often and that wastes years of your life. Now look at me, see I’m still hung up on someone I met three years back. It doesn’t look like I’ll be over him anytime soon. And I’m not even trying, honestly I can’t do the relationship thing anymore. I let someone wreck me, it took him three years and here I am, broken, beyond repair.
So no, I do not believe everyone ends up with the perfect one. I doubt there is someone out there for each and every one of us. Sometimes you’ve just got to settle, for a kind caring heart. Hoping everything else might fall into place eventually. Crossing your fingers for shooting stars and fireworks to happen during your first kiss. You can only wish something as real could happen. But it’s not guaranteed. Often we end up disappointed and in unhappy marriages. And I never want to be that girl, I’d rather spend the rest of myself alone, by myself. I might not be the happiest, but at least no one else would be responsible for my happiness.
Also, since we all follow the cliché rule “age is just a number”, everything could still fall into place. Weather you’re 23 or 63. It could happen. But damn I’m getting old. All I can think of are saggy titties and wrinkles. Oh the horror! And 23 leaves only seven years till thirty. Ohmygod.
She Was Sea 