My definition of letting go would mean completely getting rid of him even inside my head, and I’m still in denial over the fact that he just left and didn’t care to look back. I’m not ready to let go. He meant the world to me.

No, being in denial won’t help me move on. But I don’t choose to be in denial. It already hurts so much knowing it’s over, if I get rid of his delusional self it’ll be worse. And no I don’t want to be with him, not after realizing it has been a piece of cake for him to walk away. It’s only difficult to see him happier without me. I thought he loved me just as much as I loved him. I was so wrong. He broke up with me via text. We’ve been back and forth for almost two years and this, this is what I’m left with. A broken heart, and a bunch of I’ll do better without you texts. I only wish he’d never left. I’m still coming to terms with that. He just left, when I thought he never would. He left me hanging. Never looked back, not even once. I’ve died over and over every single night. While he slept in peace.

I still remember how he used to say, you’re never getting rid of me. And how he said being with me was worth the shit we went through to stay together. One day he just decides none of it is worth it and just leaves me. I know we tried. He did too. But why’s this so much harder for me. All I can think about or even talk about is him. Stuck in a parallel universe with the ghost of what he used to be.

“I know I probably don’t cross your mind anymore, but I hope someday you see something that reminds you of me and the things we used to spend hours talking about at night and then your throat gets tight and your heart skips a beat and then you finally, finally miss me back.”