Crying off my face again.

The silent sound of loneliness

Dancing slowly in an empty room,

Can the lonely take the place of you?

I sing myself a quiet lullaby.

Let you go and let the lonely in

To take my heart again.

Too afraid to go inside

For the pain of one more loveless night.

Cause the loneliness will stay with me

And hold me till I fall asleep.

Broken pieces of

A barely breathing story

Where there once was love

Now there’s only me and the lonely.

I’m the ghost of a girl that I want to be most.

I’m the shell of a girl that I used to know well.

I go into major meltdowns in the worst moments ever. Like last week I cried while looking for a cab ‘cuz I was calling all the centers and no bloody taxi was available and no one was stopping from the road and I was trying to call my mom so I could ask a cousin to give me a ride and she wasn’t picking up and nor my brother and it was just a couple of minutes left for my speedboat to depart and I couldn’t miss that. Because in that moment I felt as hopeless as one can be. Missing a speedboat might not sound like the worst thing that could happen to you but it was, for me. It’s the little things that makes me realize that I’m all I have and if I don’t make it nobody else will make me.
And tonight it was while I was waiting for the freaking speedboat. I was asked to show up at 18:45 and I showed up at 18:30 ‘cuz I wanted to be safe and better early than late right. So I waited and waited. Until 1900hrs I stood there in one spot without moving with hands full of bags with toys for Christmas presents and I was about to cry. I’ve been in Male’ since 11 am and I quickly did all my tasks so I could catch an early transfer back. And hoping they’d appreciate it. I was done by 3pm and this is what I could get on. You do all these things for a job you get paid and you love the job but just don’t expect them to look after you as a human. You’re a subject to the company. They could care less about any human need that you might have. I took the task cuz they asked me if I could and I didn’t want to say no cuz that would mean I’m not capable and I am. I’m still on my probation and I have to prove myself. While I waited there for the whole thirty minutes Id see people pass by and you know id have loved someone to have waited with me. But there isn’t anyone who would. It’s so sad how lonely we really are in these moments that we need someone the most. People would stare pity or walk by too closely. But who’s saving me from them, no one but me. It’s always been like this. Nobody has ever stood up for me or been with me through things that had mattered the most. Why I have no faith in relationships or marriage. I’ve been in them. And they made me weak and gullible. No matter how big the need for another maybe I’m not giving someone the power to exist and disappoint me ever again.