Pretty much everything’s changed, mostly the love. It’s pretty tough. It’s a bit too late to realize this now but it’s horrible to let just one person affect everything you do with just one single move. You’re unfortunately that, for me. My world. My EVERYTHING. I love you that much.

Last night it crossed me, maybe you’re the guy I’ll love hopelessly with all my heart and for years. And we lose each other eventually, for good. All the drama will get us sicken. Almost already there I think. We fight too often, over the silliest things. And it’s not the fighting that hurts most. The things you don’t say to me when we are okay. It’s like you bottle things up, and let it flow when I’m at my lowest. Which breaks me into a million more pieces every time.

I know, I can be irritating and demanding. Which is your excuse to be cruel and heartless. Guilty as charged but, I wasn’t like this before. Remember?

Sure I was unhappy but I was never mad like this, ‘cause I was so afraid of losing you over something so little, like my happiness. I changed subconsciously. I just wanted to be free and guilt free and for once be able to say and do what I want. Because I was so tired of the chase. So so tired of crying and hiding my feelings.

But obviously I want you more, I’ll be a nothing without you. I know you can easily move on. You’ve always been so cold. What scares me most is I know that the moment we’re over you’ll go back to being that monster. And I can’t just deal with that. Looking back I’m not even sure how I put up with all the hate, I flatter my guts for the humiliation and embarrassment I bared, for this. You were my conquest. My battle. But you only gave in when I gave up. So clearly, you won. Like you always do. Whatever I feel, you’ll find a way to prove me guilty.