She Was Sea

It’s pretty hard walking away from the person you love. But sometimes it’s for the best. When you’re no longer making each other happy I guess it’s time you move on. Find better things. I did it. Never thought I’d even have the courage to ever, no matter how miserable I was. I didn’t think I had it in me to walk away without shedding a single tear. But I did. Guess all these years of mastering emotions helped. I’m happier now, lighter and feeling much better than I have in the past couple of months. He was a great guy and will always be the person I loved so so much. It just didn’t work out, we tried. I tried. All I’ve ever done in the past almost three years is try to make things work. And I almost got there, I had him. Every time he left me I’d hit rock bottom, I never thought I’d survive without him. But by being with me he drove me away, he was hardly there. I got used to his absence. I got  used to being on my own despite his role in my life. All these years I thought I’d find no one and nothing better than this, like this was it you know? Like he was The One and I wasn’t going to let him go, I couldn’t no matter how hard I tried to. Now when I look back I’m almost like wtf Ana. But I still remember the pain, the hurt, the tears. I remember everything. And it no longer makes me sad. Because I had the courage to love someone with everything I was. I gave him all of me. He was my world, he meant everything to me. His words had the power to completely shatter my world. And yet he failed to choose them wisely, despite knowing. I failed to see what he was doing to me. And even when I realized what was happening I thought he was the best I’d get. So I had to quit being a baby and shut up. But then recently I realized, I’ve been looking at this all wrong. A person who loved me should always treat me right, no matter what. They have to, don’t they? A person who fails to see my worth or doesn’t value me does not deserve me. No matter how hard I loved, I had to leave. So I did. he understood, leaving was always too easy for him. This time it was my move. And I don’t know what’s going to happen from here on, the uncertainty fucking scares me. But I did what I had to do. Leaving almost 3 years behind.